See how happy I am? 'Cause I get every thing I want! I just fuss and they give it to me! Bwahahahaha!
I lost William at school the other day. He's not one to wander but that day he did, he wandered down a back hallway in the building where we often will go to roll the ball or practicing skipping when we have a few minutes to kill. Only I didn't see him go that way and when I peeked down there I didn't see him. Within minutes there was a teacher, 4 other moms, and me looking for William and running around screaming his name. I ran into the parking lot and stopped cars asking if they'd seen him. It was absolutely terrifying and it's just now, 48 hours later, that I've shaken the feeling. One of the teachers discovered him in the hallway playing and brought him to me and I bust into a puddle of tears and so did he. He is a sensitive boy and doesn't handle me crying very well plus he felt immediate remorse. He was just playing, it wasn't intentional. He was aware of all the other moms standing around and the relief we all felt and... well, it was just awful. That night when I put him to bed I said, "Do you understand how I felt when I saw Mrs. Eusebio bring you out to me?" He said, "You were just so happy I wasn't stolen by a stranger that you got on your knees and cried." That pretty much summed it up.
It's no secret that I'm not an average sized woman (or maybe I am?) I have struggled and will struggle for the rest of my life I'm afraid. I lose and gain weight every year. The difference with my commitment this time is that my goal isn't to get thinner, it's to get healthier. I've never done anything under that pretense before. I go to the gym probably 6 days out of 7 and more often than not Lauren comes with me to the daycare there because Chris is either at the firehouse or is teaching. She's kind of meh about it but it has to be done. One thing I'm discovering now that I'm 6 weeks into Operation Healthy Self and possible Operation Sleeveless Summer is that something has to give and at this point it's the house. It's always clean but almost always a mess. There is a huge difference, you know. But as I told Chris last night, we both can't look good. Either it's the house or me. Which would he prefer?
Chris is the King of Research. Those of you who know him know what I mean. Our friends call us to see what kind of camera we have, what kind of TV we have, what kind of ceiling fans are best. I'm not kidding. Chris is like a human Consumer Reports. When most people get 3 estimates for something, he gets 7. I'm not kidding. It drives me apeshit and I'm kind of over it. We are getting all new replacement windows in the house in a couple weeks after 2 months of researching different kinds, companies, and numerous estimates. We are now looking at buying a front door and I swear to God, the process is going to kill me. I actually spoke the words, "Let's just get a ghetto screen and call it a day. I can't look at doors anymore." IT'S A DOOOOOOOOR. Good Lord. I can't stand it.
We've consulted the construction company that did some work for us a year ago and we've had the designers draw up a new kitchen for us. We're nearly ready to give it all the OK and start on a big kitchen remodel but I've actually said I think we should hold off. I think a kitchen remodel right now will result in one of three things: 1) Chris will end up on blood pressure medicine. 2) We'll get divorced. 3) I'll resign myself from the whole process because I can't stand the intense research for every single thing and I'll end up compromising completely on everything. None of those options is good so I think we may put it off. I've been wishing for us to start remodeling this house since we moved in 6 years ago and I can't believe I'm wanting to put it off now that we're finally there but I just can't stand it. We need to find a happy medium.
Dear Pretty Door, I'm sorry I didn't fight harder for you but Chris is psycho and I had to just give up. Love, Ashley
The kids are taking karate and it's my new passion. Watching them in karate class is so thrilling for me. They are focused, strong, capable, and succeeding. I can't get enough of it.