Saturday, September 29, 2012

I was hoping it would be getting better by now

I know I've written about William and his moods but I'm going to do it again.  It's still relevant and a daily issue here so therefore it's on my mind at the moment.

He turned 6 two weeks ago and although I didn't expect a magical transformation overnight, I think maybe I hoped for a magical transformation overnight. 

He's such a mixed bag.  He's incredibly sweet and curious, as smart as I was when I was probably 10, and has a sense of the world beyond what has been taught to him and seems to come from nowhere.  He also is as moody as a freaking 15 year old girl, is effected by the weather, his hunger, his sleep, and his familiarity with what is going on in the current situation.  William is not terribly hard to make happy but it's incredibly difficult to keep him happy.  He's always interested in what's next.  That's a bit hard to explain but it's the only way I can put it into words. 

Today we spent the afternoon at a beautiful park in the bay area for Chris's fire department's annual family picnic.  It's really geared for the kids and between the food, the sack race, the egg toss, the tug-of-rope, and the prizes, all three kids had a blast.  Until... we were headed home and William dropped one piece to one of the prize toys he'd won.  That's all it took for him to lose his shit.  That was about 30 minutes into our drive home.  Given another 20 minutes in the car I was ready to lose my shit, too.  The thing is that after all of this experience with him and his moods, I have learned there is a certain way to handle him.  He isn't beyond recovery if it's handled in a certain way.  Here is my issue with it all:  loving him out of these moods is effective sometimes but handling it any other way backfires every time.  It's such a fine line.  I won't tolerate enabling him or being all foo foo about it to then encourage the behavior but by doing the whole "knock it off" method seems to exacerbate it 10 fold. 

Alltosay, it's exhausting.  I'm tired of it.  I feel badly for him that he gets that way.  I pray for continued patience because it's getting harder for me to love him out of these moods as he gets older.

I feel like, as his mom and his ultimate teacher, I have done a good job of giving him the tools to deal with his emotions.  By that I mean I've done what I know how to do.  I am confident  that at this stage in his life that his toolbox is full.  I also think that Chris and I have done (and continue to do) a good job of teaching him how to use those tools when we are not around.  God forbid he get hungry, hot, frustrated, bored, or angry with something while away from us.  Good luck, my friend!  People aren't going to put up with that bullshit behavior/attitude.  I have explained all of that to him and he gets it.  I'm just not sure that his 6 years of emotional maturity can handle it all yet. 

It's a process.  A daily process.  I'll continue to provide him the tools and the ways in which he can use them to help him deal with his moods but the process of doing so is beyond draining.

I just want my smart, sweet boy to be happy and to be able to remain happy despite any outside influences.  It doesn't really sound like too much to ask but it's an impossible wish to be granted at this point.  We'll continue to work on it.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

It's that time again! Or is it??

I'm one of the people who is all like, "Oh, my gosh.  It's August and Costco has their Halloween candy, their Fall wreaths, and their snowmen out.  What idiots." 

Then here's me at home:

While outside it's this:

So, it begs the question - what determines Decorating Time?  If I went by the weather, and for some reason I feel like I should, I wouldn't decorate for Fall until late October.  But that's too late for me.  Should we use the calendar?  Is it just a feeling?  Is it the fact that by 7:30pm it's pretty much dark as opposed to the 9:00pm sunset we're used to all summer?  Whatever it is, it struck me yesterday and I've decorated for Fall.  Now, if the weather would just cooperate I would feel as if it's really ok.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Social experiment WIN

Tonight when I put William to bed, I sat down next to him and said, "Today while you and Drew were at school I took Lauren to the park.  There was a little boy there, he was probably about 5 years old.  He was being really mean to Lauren.  He started by laughing at her, then he pushed her, called her stupid, and made her cry."  William sat up, looked really distressed, and said, "I'd kick his butt if I saw him."  I said, "I asked him to stop and he didn't.  Then I told him in a stern tone to stop it, that she is only 3 years old and it was really mean to talk to another person that way."  William said, "Where was his mom?"  I told him that she was over on another bench not paying attention.  He said, "Well that's terrible and that little boy should get in trouble and apologize to Lauren.  He's lucky I wasn't there."

Then I said, "You know what?  I totally just made that story up."

William laid down while smiling and staring at me and he said, "That little boy is me, isn't it?" 

We then talked about how it makes Lauren feel and how as a big brother his job is to protect her and care for her, just as he would if it had been another kid treating her that way.

He got it.

Now, I'm not delusional.  I fully expect tomorrow to be a normal day, full of refereeing, but I feel like I can forever fall back on this little story.  The Boy Who Forgets Nothing will be able to draw upon those feelings he had while I was telling him the story.

Mission accomplished.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

We got screwed. Big time.

We left our little married house more than 7 years ago.  That is the first house Chris bought, I moved in before we got married, we brought Drew home from the hospital there.  It is and will forever be our little married house.  It's where we started.

When we left and moved here, we kept it as a rental.  It was difficult to have someone else living in my house but it was just how it was and within a few years I kind of got over it.  It was a huge priority to us that the house was well taken care of and maintained.  We were lucky to have 2 good renters in those first few years.

We just kicked our 3rd set of renters out.

As landlords, we still have lessons to learn, mainly that people can't be trusted.  Isn't that awful?  It shouldn't be that way in life, but in the landlord world it almost has to be.  We took him for his word, and that was our fault.  I don't take responsibility for the damage he caused to our little married house but I do take responsibility for not knowing it was happening. 

And I do not take responsibility for the fact that he is an enormous asshole and took advantage of us.

There are a lot of things that took place that I can't even emotionally go into but the underlying theme of it all was that we gave a man a second chance when he fell on hard times and we got completely screwed.

Drew's baby room in our little married house, us

Drew's baby room in our little married house, asshole renter

Our backyard in our little married house, us
(sporting my 20 week belly)

Our backyard in our little married house, asshole renter

This is the tip of the iceberg and we're devastated.  An insurance adjuster is coming on Monday and we'll see what is considered "vandalism" and what's not, in other words, what will be covered by our insurance and what won't be.  It's all such bullshit, I just can't believe it.  And not just because we were so generous and kind to this man, but because there are people who really care that little about things and are willing to treat people this way.  We're going to exhaust all of our resources to be compensated, don't you worry.  But truthfully, for me, the damage has been done. 

I'm sad.  I'm sick about it.  And I'm starting to get pissed.  I'm waiting to see what action is going to be taken before I put his name on blast.  Not that he has enough class to read my blog but, ya know.  


Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Quick thinking and I saved my own ass

I get my hair done once every 10-12 weeks or so.  Mother Nature isn't so kind as to give me the blonde locks I used to have or that my children have.  My pregnancies jacked up my hair as much as my body.  Anyway, once every 3 months or so I go and sit and chat endlessly with my girl while she spends 3 hours or more making me blonde and giving my hair a bit more shape.  Pretty simple.

EXCEPT.  Chris is a guy to the Nth degree and doesn't understand WHY it takes so long and WHY I have to do it so often and WHY it costs so much and WHY I think I look different when I come home when in fact, according to him, it looks exactly as it does as when I left.  "You don't have to understand it, you just have to respect it."  Done with explanation.  BUT, here's the tricky part.  It costs $160 total for this youth restoration process.  I knew a few years ago he'd shit a brick if he knew that it cost so much so I paid $100 in cash and put $60 on the debit.  He couldn't believe that it cost $60 to get my hair done.  *snort*.  Right?  I'm not going to say he's an idiot because he's my husband and I respect him completely but... c'mon.  So, I've never let up and everytime I go I give her $100 bill and my card is run for $60.  The girls at the place get a kick out of it still.

Here's the thing.  Chris has a girl who has pulled some strings for him for his business and he knows she lives in town and thought this salon would be a good place to get a gift card as a thank you.  He told me when I went today to pick up a gift card for, "Oh, what's yours cost, Ashley?  $60?"  Shit.  She may be able to get a bottle of shampoo or something but that's it. 

Ends up I "forgot" to get it and will another day - when I can bring cash back to do it so there is no record of the real amount.


You like my 60 dollah 'do?



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