Saturday, November 5, 2011

At a loss and out of humor

Off the hook.  Off the chain.  Out of control.  Insane.  <---  All words to describe the fighting and nagging and bickering that goes on this house from the time the little people wake up to the time they go to sleep with absolutely no break in between.  I am not exaggerating when I say that it is always something.  Always.  Now that Lauren is 100% in the mix there are many combinations of kids who will bother another which starts the bickering which turns to fighting which turns to whining which turns to crying.  Every. Single. God. Damned. Time.  All day long.  It's nearly driven me to tears these last few days.  I just can't handle it anymore. 

I've tried lots of positive! feel good! behavior charts and all kinds of other bullshit and honestly it's so draining to keep up with it.  Maybe that is the answer and I fizzle out on it too soon but I just want them to STOP without having to get a freaking sticker or a penny or something.  Just stop Stop.

I know it's normal for siblings to argue.  My brother and I are a year apart and we fought all the time.  I'm not concerned for their future relationships with each other at all.  I know this is how it is now and it won't forever be this way.  For now I'm worried about one person.  ME.  I'm losing  my mind.  I'm losing my patience.  I'm losing my temper (a lot).  I'm losing my cool which in turn is making me lose my power which I will never allow to happen.  I think that's part of it.  I'm feeling a bit threatened by all of this fighting between them because nothing I do or say can stop it.  It's like this thing that needs to run its course and it's out of my control.  I'm just a helpless, bitchy witness to it all.

I don't intervene most of the time but it doesn't matter.  Just hearing it is exhausting.  At the end of the day I feel like I've run a marathon sometimes, just so completely wiped out.  When really all I did was laundry and drop off and pick up from school, maybe went to the gym, possibly made dinner.  But the physical toll that the emotional abuse I am forced to endure at the hands of my 6, 5, and 2 year old is the real deal.  I'm just... exhausted.

I love love love them.  But I go to the gym to get away from them.  I love love love them.  But I secretly sing the Hallelujah chorus in my head as I bound back down the stairs at 8:03pm everynight.  I love love love them.  But I let them watch 2 hours of Spongebob straight during Lauren's naptime just so they'll stay quiet.  

I am out of humor when it comes to this situation, friends.  They have even drained me of all my snark.  That's how bad it is.

Wait!  Bonus!  We turn the clocks back tonight!  Know what that means?  An extra hour of sleep.  For me, and them.  



  1. I could have written this myself. Garrett & Carson are fighting ALL DAY EVERY DAY. They're even physically fighting. It's awful & I'm awful at handling it. Nothing is working. I hope you figure it out soon so you can tell me what to do. ;)
    Hang in there!

  2. Pass the Vodka... That is all..

  3. My friend commented on how cute my blog is and how she loves hearing stories about the boys and yadda yadda....i replied to her pretty much what you posted here. And included I really should include all the bad stuff too, I'd hate for them to think life in this house was all pretty smiles and hugs. Sometimes I just don't have the energy to do it. I keep telling the boys, your poor baby sibling in mommy's tummy must think i'm a crazy person with a crazy loud voice, with all the yelling I do!! Anyways, thanks for keeping it real. You said almost exactly how I feel....and i TOTALLY feel you, especially when you're the main parent that has to endure it all. Ryan hears them bickering in the background when we're on the phone and i bet he's secretly grinning that he's at work dealing with the turds of oakland. Anyways, I think you're doing an amazing, AMAZING job...hang in there =)

  4. I know you've already thought of everything but I would send them to their rooms every single time they started until it clicked. It will make for a long sucky day, but they'll hate it. Also, my #1 phrase when mine were this age was "I can't hear you when you're whining" over and over until they responded in a non-whining voice.

    ^ I'm sure you're already all over this shiz, just my memories of the trenches. Mine aren't so bad. Zack gives Skyler no slack and he's on her with his big brother irritability as soon as she gets off the bus but I just repeat over and over and over "we speak with kindness". Ugh. It DOES get better, unless you are my brother and I who still don't speak (is that an improvement?)

  5. You always know how to express what many of us are feeling and just don't know how to express ourselves. I look to your blog for advice and as an example on handling motherhood, because with your innovative ways of handling the normal-everyday of being a stay-home mom, you do help make all of this easier. You have no idea how all your effort in raising your children is helping many of us as well. As your friend said on your other post, you help us bring it up a notch and reach up to better standards. <3

  6. And catching up on your blog always makes me feel we're all in this together and we're not alone. So, thank you :).

  7. Maybe HELLO should come early this year.


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