I think you're great on American Idol. And your skin is so flawless, I can't stop staring. You better watch out, though, because I think Steven Tyler is striving to be as pretty as you are.
Isn't he pretty? I mean she...
Dear Nivea Touch of Sparkle,
I am all about smells and am always on the quest for the best smelly anything - candle, lotion, perfume, body wash, soap, laundry detergent, etc. One rare afternoon, as I was dragging my feet through Target ALONE and milking every single second, I spent probably 20 minutes in the soapy aisle. I smelled everything there was and came across you. I LOVE you. The whole "touch of sparkle" thing freaked me out a little and honestly I was afraid I'd kind of come out of the shower looking like I was covered in stripper glitter but it's not that way at all. In fact, there is no sparkle at all, which is good. My whole bedroom smells of you after I shower and I love that, too.
Dear Bohunky Guy at the Gym with the Flowery Towel,
Your security in your own manhood is astonishing because no matter how big your muscles, the fact that you wipe the sweat off of them with your wife's (or mom's?!) flower kitchen towel is hilarious. Next time you go to a hotel I suggest you steal one of the plain white hand towels. They work great for the gym. And yes, I'm speaking from experience.
Dear Year 6,
So far you've been good to Drew. You've given her even more confidence than she already had, you've allowed her to apply for and get her own library card, and the most exciting thing of all, you've allowed her to sit in a normal seat belt for a couple trips out. I don't dislike you as much as I thought I might. Keep it up, my friend. You're making my little girl feel special.
Dear Yoplait Smoothie Mix,
You are so yummy, so easy, so fast, and somewhat nutritious. I love you! You are the kids' new favorite treat and thank God you are sold at Costco.
Dear Terrible Twos,
I'm afraid you may be beginning to show your face around here and I just want to let you know that you can bite me. I'm not in the mood. I wasn't yesterday, I'm not today, and I can tell you for damn sure I won't be tomorrow or the day after that. You are not wanted here and I'd appreciate if you'd leave my happy baby girl alone.
This super cute hat was made for Lauren by my friend, Amanda.