I've been using the term "mindful" quite a bit lately. Usually it goes like this, "Drew, you need to be more mindful of your words. Tell me what the means again?" Drew says, "I need to think about how my words will make the other person feel." I say, "Yes, now run along, and stay away from your brother."
The words stupid, hate, shutyourmouth, Idon'tlikeyou... they are beginning to flow much too freely from the mouths of these babes. They seem to know better than to ever speak to us this way, it's how they talk to each other. This must come from school, learning this kind of talk. It's not tolerated at all and the warning was given this morning that the next time I hear a hurtful work come out of someone's mouth, the punishment is going to hurt. One blanket warning and now I'm done. Now I sit and wait.
A few days ago, Drew and I were picking up the livingroom while Say Yes to the Dress was on. There was a bride who was... shall we say, definitely looking for a plus-size gown. Being the confident plus-sized woman that I am, I am conscience of the words I use and skinny and fat and all of those labels aren't things we discuss. Just like skin color isn't something I point out either. People are people and we haven't ever spoken the words that may define them by what we see. Drew was looking at her and I was wondering what she was thinking. Then she said, "That lady is soo fat." I sat her down and asked her what if that lady could have heard her. How would that have made her feel? Drew acknowledged that it would have hurt her feelings. We discussed being mindful of your words again, on a different level, and how although something is obvious, you must always consider the other person's feelings.
I am sad that Drew saw that woman's size. It's no secret that woman was extrememly big, but it still makes me sad. I don't ever want her to see anyone and have their looks define them. It's how society is but I'll do my best to teach her otherwise. Plus, she's only 5. I'm not ready for her to not see the beauty in things already. She's only 5...
We also don't allow the words stupid, shut up, hate, fat, etc in our house. They are absolutely forbidden. They are hurtful words and the kids know it. They've done very well with this lesson.
ReplyDeletePlease don't be sad that Drew saw that woman's size. She's learning the differences in people. I allow my kids to make mention or ask questions about the differences in people to me. I discuss which descriptive words might hurt someone and we talk about whatever it is that's caught their eye. We've had some fantastic conversations and rather than have them learn to keep their observations entirely to themselves for fear of getting in trouble and learn nothing, they've learned a whole lot about different people. Lately we're working on families with two Moms or two Dads. It's hard for them to understand but families come in all sizes.
Geez. I'll shut up already. Why don't I just write my own blog?
LOL - your kids are awesome!
I nearly came out of my skin the day The Boy told me he was stupid. Some little boy at daycare called him that, so he repeated it. he's 2.
ReplyDeleteI disagree Ashley, our human nature demands us to make observations, even as kid. Example, me and my son walk into my favorite BBQ joint in Kansas City, and if he said said 'There sure are lots of black people in here.' I wouldn't say 'shhhh' or 'don't say that' I would simply say 'Yep, there are lots of black people in here, and they know where to go for good Barbeque.' Now I agree I would never tolerate any of my kids to say anything mean or cruel, but to speak about appearance, should happen more than it does. This is only the opinion of an overweight brown man.
ReplyDeleteValid point, Ben. I guess I'm just fearful of her being "that kid" and saying something not mindful and hurting someone. I know kids are given a get-out-of-jail-free card when it comes to that stuff, but I just want to teach her that seeing a big person or a person who is really different isn't something you blurt out - it could be hurtful. She can talk about it to me later.
ReplyDeleteAshley-
ReplyDeleteBelieve me, the way you write about your kids none of them will ever be 'that kid.'
Ben