Not up for discussion this time

Lauren is 15 months old tomorrow. This age scares me because this is the age when I approach Chris and I'm all, "Um, so wouldn't it be so awesome if we had another baby?"  And he looks at me like this: 

The only difference this time is that it's not going to happen.  I'm really bummed about that and even though I knew from her conception that Lauren was our last, I really have a hard time dealing with that.  I'm good at babies.  I have happy babies.  I have sleeping babies. 

During my pregnancy with William I had some vein issues which manifested themselves in my right ankle.  I have what they call an incompetent valve in my groin which allows the blood to kind of pool in my ankle.  It just wasn't strong enough to push the blood back up to where it needed to go.  Being pregnant the second time really made it show its incompetency.  My ankle became bruised looking and it hurt like a bruise.  Nothing all that big, really.  My OB suggested that I probably not think about having a third baby.  "Oh, really?  Ok.  Yeah, we probably won't."  Fast forward 15 months and that's when I approached Chris and we discussed number 3 giving no thought to the vein issue. 

I won't go into detail about how awful it got during my pregnancy with Lauren but it was pretty bad.  And pretty dangerous.  I had a 9 pound baby sitting on top of that incompetent valve which made things painful and ugly and dangerous.  Here's a picture of my leg and ankle in January, at just 7 months pregnant.  Thank goodness my modeling days were already over.  It's better now but still discolored some and painful on some days.  Surgery is my future.  I don't really want to walk around with a blown-out tire for the rest of my life. 

Ok, now that I've totally grossed you out, you can see why baby #4 is never going to be an option.  I'm fortunate that the fertility Gods smiled down on us 3 times, each exactly when we'd asked for them to.  And as my friend Melissa once suggested, 4 may not even feel like enough.  At some point you just have to stop.  I think 3 is like, "Wow, you've got three?  That's great.  You must be tired."  At 4 kids I think people are thinking you just need a get a TV in your bedroom or something.

Sooo, happy 15 months, baby girl.  Can't believe it's been 15 months already.  Time sure flies when you're having fun.