Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Gratefully resentful
I am grateful every day that I get to stay home with my kids. It's not for everyone and I totally get why. I had a career prior to this life I'm living and I miss it but it wasn't meant to be. My job is to be home and despite my gripey blogs about how all the kids do is fight and blah, blah, blah, I really do love it. I have to say, though, that some days when Chris gets up and gets dressed I resent him for having a place to go. Besides school, Target, and Costco, I mean. He gets to do work that involves reading and delegating and conversing (with adults). I miss getting up, getting myself put together and looking nice, and walking out the door with my coffee in hand knowing there is something out there waiting for me. It's strange because I wouldn't trade the life I'm living now for anything but it doesn't change the fact that I sort of long for that other life, too.
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And meanwhile, I have days where I would like nothing more than to forgo the heels, skip the interviews and the deadlines and just play with my kids, do my laundry and cook us a meal.
ReplyDeleteI've found that as a mother with so many hats, I'm never truly and completely happy in any one of them. There's always a bit of longing for some portion of one of my other responsibilities. That's okay. I just have to accept that and try to remember that if I were doing that other thing, there would be something I would miss about what I'm doing now.
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Trust me, when your kids have all grown up like mine have you will be grateful for every minute you had with them as little ones. I remember them fighting too and I hated it. The time though went by so quick and there are countless wonderful memories. Now, here we are with the last one graduating college. Don't blink, cuz they grow up wayyyy to fast!
ReplyDeleteI totally understand, Ashley. But then, I remember that I'm not so passionate about what I used to do (though the extra $ would be nice :))...but I'm so passionate about these kids. I feel very blessed to be able to stay home with them. I think we're one of the lucky ones :).
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