Not gonna happen

I had a real heart-to-heart with William earlier today about how he really needs to work on making better choices in how he reacts to situations, especially those involving his sisters.  He goes from calm to SUPERPISSEDOFF in a split second.  It's not appropriate and it's not acceptable.  I asked him if he had any suggestions of what he can do or what I can do to change things or how we could make it easier for him to make the right choices.  He said, through his tears, "I know an easy way to make it better for me but I know you won't agree."  I told him to just try me.  "Just get rid of the girls and I won't get angry anymore."

A piece of my crazy.

I'm not going to talk about the kids fighting because I KNOW you are over hearing about it. 

Instead I'd like to let you in on a little bit of my crazy.

I could choose from a list of things but the one crazy I have that is beyond ridiculous is how I get angry when people sneeze.  I don't mind the sound itself but people sneezing bug me.  Like really bug me.  It almost makes me angry.  Isn't that weird?  It's just now starting to happen with the older kids.  I don't feel that way with Lauren yet.  Chris is the biggest source, maybe because he's the one I hear sneeze the most but mainly I think because he's a serial sneezer.  You know, the people who sneeze lots of times, every time.  Really?  How can I keep it to two sneezes yet everytime you sneeze you have to do it five or six times?  I think he does it to piss me off.

The first time it's a "bless you".  The second time, too.  If you sneeze more than twice I start getting annoyed.  The third one gets nothing.  After three sneezes I'm just pissed.  I have nearly said something a few times but that would be even more absurd than getting angry about it like I do. 

Saw this and had to laugh.  I could have written it myself, only I would have used a few choice words in there. 

Git to work!

Teaching Your Children In Dependance

I love this.  Love, love, love this.  I am a true believer in the kids getting of their asses and doing stuff.  Not like crazy chores, but letting them figure out and discover how capable they really are.  I have yet to have Lauren wash walls yet.  That's a bit weird, no? But!  I can't wait until Drew is 10 so she can make me six salads.  That'll be awesome. 

*The title at the top of the document has indepedence not only as two words, but it's misspelled.  Disclaimer:  not my doing and I tried to delete it but it's attached to the

document so I couldn't.  

The Hunger Games - a parenting method

I'm open to suggestions.

I don't typically say that.  Not because I have it all together but because for the most part what I've done and what I do works for me in the parenting department.  Right or wrong, it works.  Until now.

I'm at the end of my rope.  Like, for realz, there is no where else to go.

When I brought home Lauren, Drew was 4 and William was 2.  I used to feel badly saying it but that was EASY.  Too easy.  Then they were each 1, 3, and 5.  That was super easy, too.  2, 4, and 6 came along and it was no longer super easy, it was just kind of... no big deal.  Now that they are 3, 5, and 7 it's like a different ballgame.  Or like a different sport altogether.  And I don't know the rules or how to play and I certainly feel like I don't have the right equipment. 

I know all siblings fight to some extent.  But mine fight from 7am until 8pm.  I'm not exaggerating or being dramatic.  The two heavyweights are William vs. Lauren but Drew gets in the mix more often than not.  The place they are in right now is awful, really awful.  We just need a slight shift in the dynamics and it'll be all good.  By that I mean maybe they'll fight only 10 hours a day instead of 13 hours.  We just need to get out of this place.  I have exhausted absolutely all of my energy in trying to press fate and make the shift happen.  I finally believe (or am just too tired to try anymore) that it will evolve on its own.  William will be starting 1st grade, Lauren will be starting preschool, they will inevitably grow up a bit this coming school year and the shift will occur on its own.  I'm banking on it.  My sanity depends on it.

See this chair?  They fought, which would have been to the death had I not broken it up, over sitting in this chair.  There is more than 3,000 square feet at their disposal, each with their own rooms, a big backyard, and 5 other couches or big chairs to sit in yet all 3 had to sit in this one.  It was my breaking point.  How do you, after 6 hours of listening to kids argue and fight, deal with a situation like this without saying "f*ck", "idiot" or "Jesus Christ"?  I managed to do it, believe it or not.  And trust me, if I hadn't, I'd tell you.  I'm beyond feeling shameful.  I'm at the end of my rope.

I see posts on facebook about how fabulous summer is and how great a time families are having.  It makes me wonder what is going on in our house and why.  And trust me.  I have exhausted all the typical avenues for these kinds of things.  "We don't talk like that to each other in this family" and "What else could you do besides yell at your brother like that?" and BLAH BLAH BLAH.  I am proud of my consistent parenting but I am finally tired.  I am beginning to feel like I just can't keep up with it.  It's like the Hunger Games is going to take place in my livingroom while I take a nap in the bedroom.  I'll wake when I hear the boom in the sky.  And then I'll go back to sleep.

So.  Since I'm on the verge of going into full survival mode where I do nothing but stare blankly at the wall, I'm wondering what you may suggest.  And I'm just going to be honest.  Marbles in a jar, stickers on a chart, and ice cream for dessert isn't going to cut it.  I'm playing with the big dogs.  But, remember, I don't know the rules or have the right equipment.  And since I'm being completely honest I'm just going to put it out there.  Right now, this game SUCKS.

Today's blog, with no clever title

I just told the kids that tomorrow we're going to spend the day at the beach and William said, "Can I bring a rope so I can anchor one end in the water and another end on the beach and I can practice my Ninja Warrior skills?"  I said sure because telling him now that there is no way that will work and that he has to play instead with buckets and shovels just will disappoint him. 

If you haven't seen this television program and you have a boy in your house, you're depriving him of seeing some great athletic stunts.  I give it my stamp of approval.

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Lauren was in the backyard blowing bubbles today and one bubble was so perfect and so big and lingered in front of her for so long.  She caught her upside down reflection in it and freaked.  "The bubble has a face!  It's staring at me!"  That was the end of bubbles for today.  

BOO!

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We are house hunting and man, is that time consuming.  It's actually become more mind consuming than anything else.  We are very particular and not in a hurry so it may be a while but I find myself saying, "Alright kids!  Get outta the pool!  We've got a house to go drive by!"  We have a realtor but with the internet I'm scouring every website and driving all over before I make the call that it's worth her time.  The person (people) paying the biggest price right now are the kids.  I am just considering it their summer activity at this point.

How I Spent My Summer Vacation

IDIOTS

Walmart is the world's 18th largest public corporation.  They have more than $315 billion in sales annually.

And they just keep on GROWNING!

How many people's desks/computers/hands do you think this sign crossed before being printed, received, reviewed AND hung out for the town to see?  I'm going to guess a minimum of 6 people.  How does this happen?  If it's your personal garage sale sign, then fine.  But when it's a big ginormous company who is trying to take over the retail world, it's inexcusable.  Completely inexcusable.  I mean, I've got a 5 and a 7 year old in my car who recognized the error.  Seriously.

It's here. * Notice the . instead of the ! *

Today is the first official day of summer.  William ended school last week but Drew ended yesterday so now it's official official - they are home.  For 10 weeks. 

Most of my friends' facebook statuses are about how it's summer! and it's fabulous! and thank God it's finally here!  My enthusiasm is a little less.  I think, as my friend Jenne suggested, it's because my kids are on such a schedule and I kinda like to keep it that way.  The rushing around in the morning for both school drop-offs and then me hustling to where I need to be is kind of over and that is 25% nice, and 75% unsettling.  I like the routine, the predictability, the missing the kids while they are gone so I love them even more when we are together thing we have going during the school year.

We have lots planned this summer.  No big trips - we've taken those already this spring - but lots planned.  Swimming, gymnastics, math tutoring for Drew, soccer, a few weeks of day camps, etc.  I'm not worried about not being busy.  It's just that my kids are still in the fight-over-every-God-damned-thing stage that I'd like to have more of a consistent routine to keep them focused and... out of each other's business.

After bath tonight Drew put a sticker in Lauren's hair.  It hurt when Lauren pulled it out, naturally.  Then Drew did it again.  After the whole, "You're seven, that's mean, why are you doing that" bullshit talk, I took the book away from which she was getting the stickers.  Within 5 minutes Lauren came to me crying with another sticker in her hair.  Really?  Really? 

Welcome, summer.  So glad you are here and have brought so much togetherness to our family. 

I wanted to have her write, "I won't make such stupid choices and I will stop putting stickers in my sister's hair" but I didn't.  Next time.  And trust me.  There will likely be a next time.