Cheeto, Dorito, spray tan!

Fake tan.  Does it make you think of sticky, smelly, orange ickiness?  A person who is Dorito colored?  Orange on your sheets? Snooki?  Yeah, me, too.  And I've done it all.  After spending the first 22 years of my life swimming competitively, lifeguarding, and laying out with no sunscreen, my wrinkles and 8 removed moles have convinced me that it's time to be over all that.  I still can't reconcile being this many pounds overweight and this white, though.  Let's face it.  Tan fat is not quite as unattractive as white fat, it's just how it is. It's unfortunate that white and fat doesn't signify wealth and status like it did in the Victorian days.  Well, anyway, I decided to try a spray tan.  'Cause there is nothing like standing in your unmentionables in a super bright room being spray painted by a stranger.   But!  The results are nice!  At least I think so.  I'm only a few hours in and I can't shower the top layer off until the morning so I'm a tad darker than I will be tomorrow (so I've been told) but it's golden, not bronze.  It's brown, not orange.  I'm pleased!  We have a few spring functions that I may redo this for, I'll see how it wears this week.  This was kind of my dry run.

Vain?  Yes.  Waste of $40?  Maybe.  Will Chris notice when he sees me tomorrow?  No. 

As my friend Kristin said, "Holy shitballs!  You're hella dark!"  and I responded, "No, I was just hella white!"
And yes, we do talk to each other like that.  What's it to ya?

The Vow

I think this looks like a cute movie.  I probably won't be able to sucker Chris into seeing it so it'll be a get-a-babysitter-when-he's-at-work-and-go-with-a-girlfriend movie.

Oh, and just a thought:

YouknowwhatImean?

~ What the Hell Wednesday ~

This picture is awesome because a friend of a friend actually took it while on a bus in San Francisco.

What the hell?  Does she not feel that?

I have to admit I'm just a wee bit jealous that I could never do this.  Is that weird?

Poor kid

William declared today that his life is no fun.  He said that all I do is drink coffee, all daddy does is work, and therefore his life is just no fun.  Poor kid.

Apparently:

+

+

=

A life of no fun

Do you share your password?

Does your husband/wife/partner know the passwords to your accounts?  Not just banking and Amazon but to facebook and email?  How do you feel about this subject?  Should they have access to the more private things or is there no reason for privacy like that in a serious relationship or marriage?

Chris doesn't know the passwords to mine because he doesn't care.  He'd rather "smash his gonads with a wooden mallet" than spend 10 seconds on facebook.  He isn't one who is interested in connecting with others via social media outlets and I believe he thinks I'm crazy because I do.  If he asked, however, I'd give him all my passwords without hesitation.  The only thing that would bother me is that he felt a need to do so.  If he asked or bothered to check on my things it would be because something was amiss and that's obviously a bigger issue than reading my email.  I know all of his passwords because his accounts are personal and business related.  I've never one time looked.  Again, if I felt the need to check something much bigger would need to be addressed than being sure I had a password correct.

My life is such an open book - hello, blog! - that I'm surprised I haven't given YOU my passwords.  Or maybe it's just that with true love and respect there is an understood honesty and loyalty that goes without saying.  And no, after 17 years I am not naive.  I just know that our online lives are not check-worthy.  If he wanted to hear about the kids fighting, me being tired, all the unfolded clean laundry around the house, or how I don't cook he'd just come home and look around.  He doesn't need to read it in text, too.

  

This week's paycheck

Being a stay-at-home mom is all I ever wanted to do. I know, such high aspirations, right?! 5 years of college to then basically not work. I didn't know if it would ever happen since living on one income is never easy. Fortunately I married a man who has the same work ethic as my mom and is persistant and lucky and blessed all wrapped into one handsome body. After a 7 year career in teaching I was able to just walk away and stay home. In one day I went from a financial contributor to our home, a working woman, an important contributor to our society, to, well... staying home. I don't negate the importance of my job or that of any stay-at-home mom, but it was quite a shift. And kind of a hard one. Especially the not being a financial contributor part. If you were to write out the pros and cons the list would probably be equal in length but the pros list carries more weight. For me, anyway. And for my kids.


If you're wondering what a stay-at-home mom's paycheck looks like, it looks like this:

A paper written by William

A first haircut at the haircut place with no tears and a piece of gum as a reward

Drew taking Lauren outside to swing with her without having to be asked

Obviously these paychecks won't pay the bills but they sure fill up the emotional bank, if you know what I mean.

Lucky bitch. Literally.

Holly is officially the luckiest person in the house.  She is like any other female - she needs her space.  Her quiet time.  To just be left alone and not bothered.  In this loud crazy house she has found her sanctuary.

Trust me.  If I could fit I'd be under there, too.

~ What the Hell Wednesday ~

At some point in our lives I think we all love Cheetos, amiright?  Those days are long gone for me and the neon orange it leaves behind on the kids' fingers make me want to puke.  I can remember licking that off.  I can't even imagine that now.  That's why this is especially hard for me to stomach.

Really?

What the hell?

There are some big things happening with internet freedom and the threat of it being taken away.  I'll post about it later.  Today I'm lucky I have my shoes on the right feet.  A post which requires thought wasn't happening this morning.

Happy Wednesday, friends.  If you see a WTH situation today, share it on our facebook page!

Still working

My fake point system is still working.  I swear, it's the weirdest thing.  See?

100 points each.

Proudly wearing my suit of armor

This may not be safe for work.  And it's certainly not posted in any inapporpriate kind of way.  I'm posting it because I think the differences are striking.

As a non-skinny person, I'm kinda tired of seeing clothes on size 2 people that are then supposed to look well on me.  And I get that the majority of people don't want to see a big fat girl modeling clothes, honestly I'm not sure I do, either.  It's not what we've ever known or been taught to be attractive.  We want to see attractive, realistic or not. 

This is a picture of a runway model whose BMI meets the criteria for anorexic.  The other is a model (plus-size) who is a size 12. 

Look at the arms.  Look at the hips.  Look at the thighs.

I could Zumba from now until Christmas without stopping and never look like that chick on the left and I'm kinda tired of images insinuating that I should.

Plus, I've carried 3 kids, nursed 3 kids, and carried 3 kids in my arms from Feb. 2005 until present day.  If I didn't have my suit of armor (as I lovingly call it) I wouldn't be the strong, cozy mom I am for my kids.  I wouldn't trade that for anything.

I'll be back to blog again on Monday.  Right now I'm off.  To eat a sandwich.

Happy Friday, friends.

*If you're feeling me on this, share this post!



Trauma with teeth

Front teeth.  Sometimes they fall out on their own.  Other times, like in Drew's case, it just hangs there.  For weeks.  And honestly, that's kind of gross. 

Last night it was time for action.  She was super excited to put floss around it and pull it out.  We sat and watched YouTube clips of kids who had a snaggle tooth just like she did and how they pulled it out.  She was excited.  BUT, once Chris got the slip knot on it and there was no other way that floss was coming off except with the tooth, she lost her shit.  For about 30 minutes straight.  Here is part of it:



Long story short, about 25 minutes after this, after dragging that floss around the house, Chris convinced her if he tugged once it would come out and it'd be over.  We also told her that when I tooth has to be pulled and doesn't just fall out on its own that the tooth fairy leaves a little some'in some'in.  She sat on the stairs, he sat a few stairs lower and he tugged once and it was over.  She cried and laughed and cried and laughed. 

The Tooth Fairy left her usual 4 sparkly quarters - which Drew thinks are SO special - and for all the trauma that was caused by the 5 foot floss and the tears the Tooth Fairy left a sparkly half dollar, too.  

And, as she pointed out this morning, it takes her less time to brush her teeth now because she has less teeth! Like 10 seconds less. Whatever brings a smile to that pretty face...

~ What the Hell Wednesday ~

When I was in high school ('89-'93) and it was senior portrait time we all had to go to the same place to have it done.  I actually have zero recollection of where it was or thinking about what I was going to wear or anything but I remember we had very little say about it all.  Now, apparently, schools allow their seniors to submit their own photos doing something which represents them - an activity they like doing, with their sports gear on, with their vehicle, whatever. 


I'm sure you've seen this story.  This girl at a high school in Denver submitted a photo which even her peers deemed inappropriate. 

Here's the picture:

  She's 18, I get it, but for your school yearbook?  This says, "My activites are looking pouty and gripping poles."

Now, on the flip side, they don't really need to be quite like this, either:

This says, "I like swinging, have no idea how to tame my cowlick, and haven't discovered mascara for my blond eyelashes yet."

C'mon.  Let's be honest.  You don't want to be remembered as the slut, do you?  Or do you...?

What the hell?  

To read the full story, click here. 

And in case you're kind of like, "I don't really see what's wrong with it", this is the second photo she submitted to the yearbook (which was also denied). 

WTH?  Amiright?

Just a few random things

I've been looking for something to hang above my stove since I took my Merry Christmas sign down.  I found this last night at Home Goods and am so happy with it.  3/5 of us can read it but eventually everyone will be able to.  It's everything we preach in this house.  And bonus?  Spaghetti will wipe off of it easily since it practically is so long to hang into my burners.

Since I take Zumba 2-3 times a week, I feel like a professional dancer.  Like, I'm not kidding.  Given a couple drinks I may even try and battle someone at a club or something.  My actual skills are not quite on the same level as my confidence.  Anyway,  I've been wanting to buy Just Dance for our Wii and just never had.  Until today. IT'S AWESOME.  Chris and I had a dance off and I totally won.  By a lot.  And I have to admit that I fell in love with him all over again while watching him dance to California Girls by Katy Perry with Drew.  Here is a picure of the video clip.  Out of respect for him I will not post the video (he threatened me) so I took a still of the video as a sneak peek.  

Love how Drew is wearing her gymnastics garb

Have you tried this ice cream?  Does your store carry it?  Did you know it existed?

I haven't, I don't know if they do, and no, I didn't!  Not until 30 minutes ago when I saw it online.  As you can imagine, I am now on a mission.

Here's to another great week ahead!

xoxo

Nana's brownies with peanut butter cookie dough

Wanna make these?  They are super easy.

Nana's brownies
2 sticks of butter
4oz. unsweetened chocolate squares (4 squares)
2 cups sugar
4 eggs
1 1/2 cups flour
1 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp. vanilla
nuts - optional
chocolate bits - optional


Melt the 2 sticks of butter and the 4 squares of chocolate together. Add the 2 cups of sugar and stir. When a little cool (5 minutes maybe), add the 4 beaten eggs and vanilla and stir. Add the 1 1/2 cups flour and 1 tsp. baking powder and stir. Add the walnuts and/or chocolate bits if you'd like. I don't measure these so as much or as little as you'd like. I use only one pan for all of this - no sense in making more of a mess than you need.


*  If you are going to make them with the peanut butter cookie dough on top - keep reading about how I did that, then bake according to these directions. Pour into a 13x9 and bake at 300* for about 40 min. My oven is 30 years old so you may want to set yours at 30 minutes and just keep an eye on it after that.

Peanut Butter cookie dough to plop on top:

 
 
 
 
 
I could lie and say I made that from scratch, too, but this time I didn't and it turned out just fine. 
 
After you pour the brownie batter into the 13x9, lay out the cookie dough on top.  If you want it to sink down into the brownies, you can do plops of spoonfuls.  I kind of laid it out on top so it'd be more of a topping or a layer.  You can do whatever you want.
 
This is how it looked before it went in:
 

And when it came out and I cut it:

Honestly, the peanut butter taste isn't strong at all.  Had I made homemade cookie dough it probably would be more of the taste I was going for but they are still pretty good.  You could do this with chocolate chip cookie dough, too!

If you happen to make these, in any variation, I'd love to hear about it!

Brat in training

It's 11:26am.  We're about to leave to go get Drew from school (Fridays are half days) and then we'll come home and I'll make lunch for everyone. 

Lauren just brought me a mini bag of Cheezits, you know, those individual bags from Costco?  She said, "Mommy, please?"  I said, "No, we're going to have lunch in 30 minutes."  She said, "I WANT CHEEZITS MOMMY, PLEASE!" and then jumped up and down like a fool.

I gave her the Cheezits.

What is wrong with me?  I am SO OVER the noise and the pleading that I am just now realizing that for reals, that child gets everything.  I just want the noise to stop so I give in.

I am so proud of the parent I was with Drew and William.  Strong, consistent, reasonable, etc.  With Lauren I'm like, "Sure, whatever, just stop making so much noise."  I'm pretty sure that approach is going to backfire very very soon. 

I'm becoming what I've always called the WalMart Mom.  The one who has the kid who acts like a brat and the mom gives in, with a smile.  I always thought those women were such weak sisters.  I've become one of them.  I must get the power back.  It's about 51% in my hands, 49% in Lauren's hands right now and that is a very scary thing. 

2012 Motto

The 2012 motto of the blog. 

Today I...

* signed all 3 kids up for gymnastics.  Drew in an all-girls 7 year old class, William in a 5 year old boy/girl class, and Lauren in a 3 year old class that is NOT parent participation.  All 3 classes are in the same location at the same time.  Can you believe it?  All three busy doing something awesome at the same place at the same time with someone other than me.  Can I get an AMEN?

* signed Holly up for obedience school.  Honestly, she's pretty obedient to begin with but 6 weeks of the basics won't hurt.  Drew and I are taking her together, since she is Drew's dog, and I think it will be great for everyone involved.

Wait!  I haven't told you about Holly!  Well, long story short she's the 6th member of our family (as of a month ago) and she is fabulous.  We lucked out like nobody's business.  She's from a rescue shelter, she "belongs" to Drew, and she's meant to be with us.  Here's a little picture:

Isn't she great?

* had this filled up three times today.  THREE.  Did you buy one of these?  If not, you missed out!  There was one day in December when Starbucks sold this particular tumbler and for the entire month of January they fill it for free with drip coffee.  I figure I am saving about $4.00 and 150 calories a day everyday for the month of January.  Wait, did I say a day?  Shhhh. 

Thrice blessed

What'd you do today?

Too lazy to pump soap

This is the best thing since the Siri, in my opinion.  It is just one of those conveniences that is unnecessary, makes you feel a bit spoiled and ridiculous, but is fabulous.

Automatic soap dispenser for your kitchen (or bathroom or mudroom)

You can buy it here.

You think you won't need it or use it or love it but YOU WILL.

Frickin' laundry

I don't have a laundry day because everyday is laundry day.  I don't sort by people and unless it's going to bleed, I don't separate by color either.  I do wash linens separately but that's only because I wash those in super hot water and if I washed my clothes in super hot water nothing would fit.  Alltosay, I try and make it as simple as possible for myself.  But somehow, somehow, it's just not simple.  It piles up, it stares at me, it taunts me, it becomes a bigger task than it really is, and I spend more energy avoiding it than I would if I just took care of it.

Today was going to be the day.  I had a basket full plus 3 loads on top of that in my bedroom that needed to be folded and put away.  TODAY. 

9:45am

9:45pm

I just didn't get to it today!  The thing about this is that I promised Chris I would.  Chris, who thinks that this should never ever ever happen, expects that this is going to be put away before he comes to bed.  Now, before you think he's an arrogant dictator, he's really not.  He just expects me to run the house and the kids like he runs his business and fire - efficiently.  I snap back with, "Don't you hold me to those high standards, Mister.  I've got shit to do - like blogging and catching up on Real Housewives."  Anyway, back to him expecting them to be put away by the time he comes to bed tonight, this is what I did:  I went through and picked out some of his fire shirts, his underwear, and some socks.  I put those away so it looked as if all the laundry was put away because those will be the only drawers he needs for himself in the morning before he heads to work.  The rest of the ginormous pile?  In a corner in the dining room with a blanket over it.  No, I'm not kidding.  Do you know how much energy I expended in avoiding putting the laundry away in the last 30 minutes?  Enough to burn off a couple pieces of that Christmas fudge, I do believe. 

Awesome.